More fun with Wal-Mart

Again. Walmart. Terrible place to work. New evidence.

Two women trying to avoid arrest after allegedly stealing goods from a local Wal-Mart store head-butted, urinated on and drove off with a security guard in the getaway car on Halloween night, police said.

Headbutted and urinated on. It’s almost like that Chappelle skit “When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong”. I KEEP IT REAL!

Think he went back to work after getting pissed on? Me either.

Police: Security guard head-butted, sat on, driven away at Wal-Mart (Muskegon News)

Walmart Security Guard Gets Head-butted, Sat On, Peed On (Consumerist)

Honestly, I feel like I write about Wal-Mart every day. Does anyone NOT work at Wal-Mart? So what’s the latest from the land of the blue vest? Over zealous security guard plays out cop fantasies and gets canned.

Josh Rutner said he was just doing his job as a Wal-Mart “asset protection officer” earlier this month when he chased a knife-wielding theft suspect across the store parking lot. Rutner said it boiled down to doing what was right or following policy. For him, it was an easy choice.

They even have a picture of the thief. Wait. That’s the security guy? You’re kidding. How does he afford such beautiful jewelry on his salary? Oh, his boo works at the Plumb Gold kiosk.

Some guys have all the luck.

Wal-Mart fires employee for chasing after thief (Ocala.com)
Walmart Fires Security Guard For Chasing After Shoplifter Like He’s In A Cop Movie (Consumerist)

Walmart. Ruining the lives of the average customer and the love lives of employees. Among the things banned from Walmart (besides Megan Fox and the movie Superbad); workplace romance.

In November 2005, German courts ruled that Wal-Mart could not ban all workplace romance at its German stores. The retailer had unsuccessfully tried to force all employees to sign off on a 28-page code of ethics that included prohibitions on “lustful glances and ambiguous jokes” and “sexually meaningful communication of any type.”

Ohhh. Only sexually meaningful communication. That’s fine. What if the communication isn’t that meaningful? Hell, what if the sex isn’t that meaningful. Just something to pass the time until they get rehired at Sizzler?

How about innuendo? “I’d like to drop your prices right now and stick my price scanner in your blue light special.”

11 Things Wal-Mart Has Banned (Mental Floss)

Wal-mart… Walmart… however the hell they want it spelled, only hires the best and brightest. Yeah, I couldn’t type that with a straight face. There are a ton of morons donning those blue vests.

A Peoria couple is suing Walmart and the state after they were accused of sexual abuse for taking bathtime photos of their daughters, according to court papers. Lisa and Anthony “A.J.” Demaree’s three young daughters were taken away by state Child Protective Services last fall when a Walmart employee found partially nude pictures of the girls on a camera memory stick taken to the store for processing, the lawsuit claims. Walmart turned the photos over to police and the Demarees were not allowed to see their children for several days and did not regain custody for a month while the state investigated, according to their lawyer, Richard Treon.

This story is disturbing. I can’t believe people still get film developed. Oh right, right, and taking the kids away is bad too.

Honest to crap, I can’t get the people at my Walmart to point me in the right direction for Funyun’s. This Walmart has people playing CSI: Peoria and handing in pictures of innocent people trying to capture the cute moments in their child’s life.

How about turning over those pictures of Cleetus down at the Sack-o-nuts boinking girls young enough to collect Hannah Montana trading cards.

Oh. Oh those pictures are framed on the wall? Well I didn’t see that.

Wow Cleetus must do Pilates.

Peoria parents sue Walmart, state over kids’ nude bath pics (AZcentral.com)