The key to getting work done is being comfortable. Since the office frowns upon big t-shirts, assless chaps and Uggs in the office (even on casual Friday) you’ve got to find other ways to get cozy in the cubicle.

The easiest fix is to upgrade your office or workstation. You’re probably sitting in a cooped-up cubicle with a chair that at one time was used in an OBGYN office (you wanted to work with your feet up didn’t you?). It’s time for the boss to buy some more user-friendly office products.

Money, like your managers twenty-year old suit, is incredibly tight. The company isn’t just going to fork over money just to make your day of filing more enjoyable. You’ve got to go ninja on this assignment (Whoa–throwing stars back in the drawer–thanks).

Here are some easy ways to trick management into a workplace upgrade:

Fake an ailment

No one wants to hear you complain. Especially about something work related. Come up with an ailment to snag yourself some new swag; complain of carpal tunnel to get a new mouse or keyboard, constantly blink or shut your eyes to get non-glare screens or better lighting in the office or just moan about your back all day to upgrade your desk chair. The last thing the company wants is you missing time because of workplace issues. They want you sitting in the chair and getting paid to do nothing and NOT sitting at home getting paid to do nothing.

Look ridiculous

Do things to make it obvious to everyone in the office you’re having problems; where thick sunglasses to work on the computer, slap on a back brace to sit in your chair all day or drop things all day because of the pain in your hands. Make it obvious to everyone you’re falling apart because of the present work conditions. Where the hell did you get that wheelchair? Oh. You’re good.

Break something

You want a new monitor. There is nothing wrong with your old monitor besides the fact it’s a 13″ black and white TV that broadcast the Clinton inauguration that IT somehow rigged to work with a PC. Is that a UHF knob? Well, it’s hard to use a monitor, that oh I don’t know, accidentally falls off the desk. Thank God no one was injured? How did it happen? Oh you accidentally spilled hot coffee all over the keyboard and when you jumped into action to save it you bumped the desk and the monitor went airborne? Of all the rotten luck. So how did the printer end up in the Men’s room toilet?

Get in good with the golden goose

Find out who orders supplies. They are your new best friend. Shake hands. Bring them food. Send them LOLCats to cheer make them LOL. Rub their bunyoned feet. Make nice. Casually mention you could use some new stuff for the office. If they don’t get the hint rip the bunyons off with a stapler remover. Ask again.

Get a virus

Bad news is computer virus are tricking even the saviest of internet users. Good news is you aren’t that savvy and could easily fall for all the tricks. If you accidentally click on a fatal virus that crushes your computer like a beer can on Super Bowl Sunday it will be impossible to fix. Guess who gets a new computer. The IT guy. But you get his suped-up PC. Hey, these all can’t be perfect plans.

Order the damn thing yourself

What’s the worse that can happen? They make you return it? They might not even notice. If they do, explain what a hassle it would be to return or just put off returning it. They might eventually forget all about it.

Got a good idea to trick the boss into an upgrade? Leave it in the comments.

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