White boards. All around the office. In conference rooms. In the kitchen for some reason. Hell there is even one in the boss man’s office, which is crap, because he doesn’t do any work.

They don’t get much use. It’s a shame. Time to use the whiteboards to make the day go faster.

1. Draw pictures of boobs or a guy with his pants down. Maybe a pair of boobs with their pants down. I’m not sure of your drawing talent so I can’t commit. You draw a dazzling penis though. Almost like you practice.

2. Draw an outside scene and a huge cross over it so it looks like a window. Then go write notes on the real window with a marker.

3. Write a friend’s cell number with the phrase “shut your pretty whore mouth”. See who calls the number.

4. Sniff the markers. Ohhhh…..desssskkkkkksssss…..so firm. You talk pretty. Is my face still here?

5. Mark down with a slash the number of times you fart during the work day. Make sure everyone sees you keeping count of something. Try and break the record each day. Don’t tell anyone what you are counting.

6. Play hangman with yourself. Make the phrase the name of a porn film. “J_hn and Kat_ f_c_  Eigh_” or something popular.

7. Write “TODAY YOU ALL DIE” in big bold letters. Make sure you see that one through.

8. Draw a swastika. See how long it takes for the news crew to show up. (Do we have to write KIDDING next to this?)

9. Write an entire recipe for a four course dinner. Bring in a whisk and apron and keep it in your desk. Wait for someone to start erasing it, walk over with the apron and whisk and go “Dude! What the frick!”

10. Write something corny like “I’d rather be fishing”. Wait for a coworker to agree. Kick them in the throat for liking to fish.

11. Hire a graffiti artist. How the hell should I know where they hang out?

12. Seriously, you do draw awesome penises. Do it again.

13. Confess something dark.

14. Recopy the Match.com profile of a coworker.

15. Write “For tomorrow’s meeting about staff cuts”.

16. Write FREE DONUTS IN THE BREAK ROOM. Hahaha. There are no donuts. Fools! All of you! Fools!

17. Draw a door and try to walk through it while singing “Take on Me” by Ah-Ha.

18. Every day put up a new quote from Joseph Stalin.

19. Write DON’T ERASE THIS in permanent marker.

20. Take down the board. Break it over your head. Claim workman’s compensation.

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