Spending more than forty hours a week in the office can screw with your social life. Next thing you know, you’re meeting a coworker after hours for some number crunching (in this scenario your genitals are the “numbers”). Big problem. The boss frowns upon office romance. Bigger problem. He or she is fantastic in the sack and the only good thing about this crap job.

What is a person to do?

Simply put; your personal life is more important than a job. If the relationship is worth it, it’s got to be hidden deeper than those unfinished work files in your bottom drawer.

Here are some ways to throw people off the scent that you and someone in accounting are hammering out late night reports. WE ARE IN THE BLACK BABY!

1) Ignore each other all day- People can read coworkers like the disgarded newspaper in the john. If you start talking to each other more often, mentioning each other more frequently, or are seen together constantly it won’t take the idiots in the office long to connect those dots. (When they connect them, it makes a dirty picture. Hehe. I love dirty dots.) Come to an agreement that during work hours neither of you exist. If you have to converse for work make it short, quick and too the point. Like you do things in bed. Oh….BURRNNNN.

2) Talk crap about each other to coworkers- Get people off the scent by slamming him or her any chance you get. (In the figurative sense this time–perv). If people ask your opinion give reasons you aren’t crazy about them as a coworker. Just don’t build a strong enough case to get them canned.

3) Disagree out in the open- Make is appear to everyone that you two just can’t get along. Even go so far as to use names. “Sorry, you didn’t get the account Mr. ‘Can’t seal the deal.” “Well, it was thanks in part to your shoddy research Ms. ‘Moans when you rub her escape hatch’.” On second thought, stick to names like jerk.

4) Start a rumor they are dating someone else- You are boinking Denise. What if you told everyone you suspect Bill in maintenance was boinking Denise? He does wear those concert tees very well. Now, everyone will think Denise and Bill are in fact an item. Brilliant. Hold applause.

5) Put it out there and plead ignorance- Let people find out about the situation. It might not be that big a deal. If it is a big deal, plead ignorance. “We shouldn’t date a coworker? I’ll be the son of soul man, I hadn’t a clue. This is news. Next you’ll tell me the work supplies aren’t to be taken home. Waaaaaa? You’re kidding! I hadn’t a clue.

How would you handle an office romance?

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