All the good stuff kills you quicker: scorned mistresses, erotic asphyxiation, Arby’s and now sitting.

Scientists are increasingly warning that sitting for prolonged periods — even if you also exercise regularly — could be bad for your health. And it doesn’t matter where the sitting takes place — at the office, at school, in the car or before a computer or TV — just the overall number of hours it occurs.

More proof things like this aren’t far off.

So we stop sitting at work. Then what? Stand up all day? No way. No more standing. I do enough of that when I DJ at local strip clubs.

Is there any good job that doesn’t involve sitting?

You sitting down? Experts say it’ll kill you (MSNBC)

Here is a little tip for all the people that could get away with napping at their job. Do not. Does a nap story at work ever end well? Ever take a nap at work and wake up to a promotion and key to the clean toilets? Nope. You’ll just get caught and end up on the interwebs and it will most likely be the fault of a coworker and a guy serving life for armed robbery. Wait, huh?

A city correction officer took a cell phone photo of his co-worker sleeping on duty, leading to disciplinary action against both of them. The photo shows guard Nadja Green, in uniform, leaning back in a chair with her arms folded on her chest, eyes closed and mouth open. An inmate is standing next to her, making a “peace” sign.

Hey. Inmate #24343. Come here. I’ve got a funny idea. Check out my sleeping coworker. Yeah, yeah that one. Hard to tell which I was referring to in this instance. Know what would be a stitch? Make a peace sign while she is dead asleep. Ok, now pretend to grab her gun. Ha, ok now put the gun down. Hey! Put the gun….

BANG!

Wonder how many pics a guard can snap during a prison riot?

Photo Catches N.Y. Prison Guard Sleeping on Job in Front of Inmate (Fox News)

I’m all for the shock factor. I’ve said some things on this very blog that I knew would get some knickers in knots. It was intentional. Normal is boring. So, it doesn’t surprise me when a writer sprints towards a different angle to cover a familiar storyline.

For example. Women and promotion. Blah blah men are favored. New angle is necessary and understood. That said. Don’t piss off women. Seriously. Dude. Don’t.

I will be honest. In my career, I have tended to promote more men than women. I have even generally given men higher salaries. Why? Am I sexist? Do men do a better job? The answer is a resounding no to both. Actually, it is mostly women’s fault. They simply don’t ask for raises or promotions as often as men do.

Is the coast clear? Hey, down here. Under the desk. Everything good? Cool. WHAT ARE YOU DOING MAN!!! Come here, let me smack you for putting that in print and just because you look like you need some swift five finger justice.

I’m sure there is some validity to the statement. Hell you even did a study. We all know every study is fact. FACT. Women aren’t as pushy as men. But I’d imagine there are just as many men who aren’t pushy and have also never asked for a promotion. Know what a pushy woman is called in the office? Bitch. Know what a pushy guy is called? Asshole. Guess who eventually gets promoted. Exactly.

Here is a suggestion; stop giving promotions and raises only when people ask. I know it’s the training and tradition of the old guard to only squeeze water from the compensation rock when people ask but how about avoiding all the uncomfortableness and rewarding work?

How many promotions or pay increases have I deserved in my career. Plenty. Hear my horn? TOOT. How many have I asked for? Maybe one. How many have I received by asking. Nada.

So let’s hear from the ladies. Do you think it would help to be more aggressive in the office? Do you think it’s just that easy that all you have to do is ask?

Why Men Don’t Promote Women More (Forbes.com)

Some days it just doesn’t pay to leave your mistress’ house.

Someone broke into public health offices in Logan and made away with 17 urine samples. The break-in happened early Monday morning at the Bear River Health Department. Spokeswoman Jill Parker says the thieves broke a window and somehow got into a padlocked refrigerator to steal the samples, which were stored in small, lidded plastic cups.

I needed those urine samples. Now how am I supposed to test my theory about the smell of pee is in direction relation to what you have for dinner? Right, like your pee never smelled like tacos.

Urine Samples Swiped From Logan Health Department (Connect2Utah)

Donald Trump collected cans and bottles on his old man’s job sites. Warren Buffett was a paper boy. Dell founder Michael Dell washed dishes at a Chinese restaurant. The rich and famous and have to start somewhere.

Given this stereotype, it’s tough to imagine people like Warren Buffett ever working “regular jobs” like the rest of us. However, you may be surprised to learn that many titans of industry got their start in very pedestrian positions that you wouldn’t suspect. Today, we look back on the first jobs of 10 wealthy CEOs and entrepreneurs.

My first job was in 1989 picking weeds and planting flowers for five bucks an hour. I’m so broke I’m actually reconsidering doing it again. I’ve got to think it pays at least $5.50 now.

What was your first job?

The First Jobs of 10 Wealthy Entrepreneurs (Mint Life)

Man’s Best Friend. Bull. He’ll stab you in the back the moment something better comes along. Perhaps something like a sweet job at BP gas.

It all started one day five months ago when Mansour decided to bring his dog to work. He didn’t think much of it at the time — he just wanted to have his best friend with him while he worked the sometimes slow, and occasionally, dangerous, early morning shift. The dog was given free rein of the store, and as a joke, Mansour put a shirt with a BP logo on.

Next he is going to want to sleep in this dude’s bed and hump his wife. She is also a dog. Figuratively.

Dog in a BP shirt greets customers at Clearwater store (Tampabay.com)

Some people want you to be as lazy as possible at work. I’m all for it.

Layoffs and budget cuts may make you anxious, but that’s no reason to triple your workload. In fact, there are many ways to look as though you’re working hard when you’re hardly working, says business humorist Stanley Bing.

The article is a cheap plug for a book titled How to Relax Without Getting the Axe: A Survival Guide to the New Workplace which at one point I believe was under the working title of “This blogger’s life, stolen for print and profit”. Fine, the new title is catchier.

Here is a suggestion from Mr. Bing:

Look into corporate programs involving mentoring, philanthropy, community-based activity and social activism. It can be a pleasant alternative to actual work.

So instead of doing actual work that pays a salary, find ADDITIONAL WORK that doesn’t pay squat?

Can anyone can get a book deal these day?

Click here to get a copy of How to Relax Without Getting the Axe: A Survival Guide to the New Workplace.

Relax Without Getting the Ax; Fewer Turkey Naps (New York Times)

Again. Walmart. Terrible place to work. New evidence.

Two women trying to avoid arrest after allegedly stealing goods from a local Wal-Mart store head-butted, urinated on and drove off with a security guard in the getaway car on Halloween night, police said.

Headbutted and urinated on. It’s almost like that Chappelle skit “When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong”. I KEEP IT REAL!

Think he went back to work after getting pissed on? Me either.

Police: Security guard head-butted, sat on, driven away at Wal-Mart (Muskegon News)

Walmart Security Guard Gets Head-butted, Sat On, Peed On (Consumerist)

It only takes one great idea. Next thing you know people are paying you money to get dressed.

A T-SHIRT a day has kept unemployment at bay for an American man who is making about $A90,000 a year by selling advertising space on his torso. Jason Sadler, 26, a former marketing professional from Florida, founded his own company, www.iwearyourshirt.com, in 2008 with the idea to wear a T-shirt supplied by any company and then use social media tools to promote the firm.

I know what you’re thinking; should I charge Metallica for the free publicity I gave them during the summer of 91′? Won’t happen. You are in luck though because Sadler may be hiring.

Mr Sadler has already begun filling his 2010 calendar so, in true entrepreneurial fashion, he is expanding services by hiring another individual to wear a shirt a day on the west coast of the United States – and is doubling his price.

In an unrelated piece of news I’ve just developed a website called “Iwearyourgirlfriend” and, well, you get the idea.

Jason Sadler sells T-shirt ad space for $90K (Courier Mail)

Last week it was the Blockbuster manager that got an employee to flash him twice for a “promotion”. What’s on the menu this week? Amateur porn fantasies at Ruby Tuesday.

Sexually charged comments were an unwelcome part of the job at Ruby Tuesday restaurant in Stroudsburg, according to six women who filed a complaint in U.S. District Court for the Middle District of Pennsylvania.

Among those complaints…

According to the complaint, that he wanted to “make a porn video” with her.

Come on! That’s a great pick-up line. I’ve used it tons of times in sex rehab facilities and when I did dishes at Sizzler. Chicks spoon it up like a free sundae with purchase of any Whiskey Jack burger. Another smooth line is talking about boinking your preggo wife. Makes them melt.

Looking at a pregnant customer, Mendoza allegedly said: “She must be really horny. My wife was always horny. I am surprised my kids don’t have problems with all the times we’ve had sex,” the complaint states.

The kid does have problems. He has a perv for an old man.

Stroudsburg Ruby Tuesday sexual harassment payout: $255,000 (Pocono Record)