I’m all for the shock factor. I’ve said some things on this very blog that I knew would get some knickers in knots. It was intentional. Normal is boring. So, it doesn’t surprise me when a writer sprints towards a different angle to cover a familiar storyline.

For example. Women and promotion. Blah blah men are favored. New angle is necessary and understood. That said. Don’t piss off women. Seriously. Dude. Don’t.

I will be honest. In my career, I have tended to promote more men than women. I have even generally given men higher salaries. Why? Am I sexist? Do men do a better job? The answer is a resounding no to both. Actually, it is mostly women’s fault. They simply don’t ask for raises or promotions as often as men do.

Is the coast clear? Hey, down here. Under the desk. Everything good? Cool. WHAT ARE YOU DOING MAN!!! Come here, let me smack you for putting that in print and just because you look like you need some swift five finger justice.

I’m sure there is some validity to the statement. Hell you even did a study. We all know every study is fact. FACT. Women aren’t as pushy as men. But I’d imagine there are just as many men who aren’t pushy and have also never asked for a promotion. Know what a pushy woman is called in the office? Bitch. Know what a pushy guy is called? Asshole. Guess who eventually gets promoted. Exactly.

Here is a suggestion; stop giving promotions and raises only when people ask. I know it’s the training and tradition of the old guard to only squeeze water from the compensation rock when people ask but how about avoiding all the uncomfortableness and rewarding work?

How many promotions or pay increases have I deserved in my career. Plenty. Hear my horn? TOOT. How many have I asked for? Maybe one. How many have I received by asking. Nada.

So let’s hear from the ladies. Do you think it would help to be more aggressive in the office? Do you think it’s just that easy that all you have to do is ask?

Why Men Don’t Promote Women More (Forbes.com)

Something at work really pisses you off. You don’t say anything, just waddle around with pent up aggravation over situations that might easily be resolved if you just mentioned the issues to management. You will say something tomorrow. Opps, too late, you’re dead.

The study by the Stress Research Institute of Stockholm University followed 2,755 employed men who had not suffered any heart attacks from 1992 to 2003. At the end of the study, 47 participants had either suffered an attack, or died from heart disease, and many of those had been found to be “covertly coping” with unfair treatment at work.

If you do complain you might get fired. Leading to more stress and Opps, you’re dead again.

Complain=fired. Keep it bottled up and you’re dead.

What’s the best option? Do you complain at work or keep it all inside?

Study: Stifling anger at work can be dangerous (MSNBC)

The key to getting work done is being comfortable. Since the office frowns upon big t-shirts, assless chaps and Uggs in the office (even on casual Friday) you’ve got to find other ways to get cozy in the cubicle.

The easiest fix is to upgrade your office or workstation. You’re probably sitting in a cooped-up cubicle with a chair that at one time was used in an OBGYN office (you wanted to work with your feet up didn’t you?). It’s time for the boss to buy some more user-friendly office products.

Money, like your managers twenty-year old suit, is incredibly tight. The company isn’t just going to fork over money just to make your day of filing more enjoyable. You’ve got to go ninja on this assignment (Whoa–throwing stars back in the drawer–thanks).

Here are some easy ways to trick management into a workplace upgrade:

Read the rest of this entry »

Excellent post from the Business Pundit regarding 8 Most Epic Abuses of Work Email Ever. Of those eight, three were caused by the dreaded REPLY ALL button. It’s done more harm than good.

Got a good “Reply All” story. Leave it in the comments.

8 Most Epic Abuses of Work Email Ever (Business Pundit)

The social media train. Climb aboard or get run over. Choo choo. Ten ways to use social media to get job. Most important is Step 6: Follow the right folks. Don’t follow this guy. Real jackass.

Speaking of social media, are you connected to the Minimum Rage via social networks? Why not? Slacker.

Connect on Facebook orbecome a fan.

Follow the Minimum Rage on Twitter

October 16th is Bosses Day. If Valentines Day is considered a corporate holiday created to get card and gift companies fatter than the average ass after a box of Brach’s chocolates, then Bosses Day is all those things plus a stapler to the stomach of the working grunt.

It is so made up people can’t even agree on the spelling. Boss’s Day. Bosses Day. How about we spell it “pain in the ass who really shouldn’t be in a position of power let alone have a day to celebrating his monumental failures as a leader or decision maker.” That would be a hell of Hallmark greeting.

This is his or her day. So let’s celebrate. Let’s do something to show the boss how we feel about the job they are doing in the office.

Here are five simple ways to stick it to the Boss

1) Half-empty gift card- You’ve probably got some shoved in your desk or in a drawer at home. It’s got about $.30 on it but you can’t throw it away. You’ll use it one day you just feel dumb giving it to the cashier for such a small amount. Give it to the boss. Try and get the actual envelope that goes with the card to make it super official. Best part? The gag embarrasses the hell out of them in front of a store full of people. If the boss calls you out about the card tell him it’s the tough economy. Maybe there will be more next year.

2) Write cheater on his car- Is he/she cheating? Probably, I mean who isn’t, but it will certainly cause a stir in the office. Pick something that won’t leave a mark like lipstick or a key. Optimal spot is the hood but then people on the road can’t enjoy. On either side of the car is fine. Passenger side works best because he/she might not see it for days. Last option is to dicktop the car. You might not have the drawing chops to pull it off though.

3) Sign the boss up for random newsletters- Friends of Fat Kids. NAMBLA. Oprah’s Colonic of the Month Club. Anything and everything. One after the other. Sure s/he has to confirm them to get the newsletters delivered but getting all the initial emails is just as funny as the NAMBLA newsletter itself. And trust me, that shit is HYSTERICAL!

4) Turn off the monitor- Ever see someone struggle with their computer for hours, only to realize the monitor was off? It’s so much fun for everyone with a half a brain that knows something about computers. You’re boss has neither. Same person that thought the disc drive was a cup holder. Also fun, if you’ve got the time, switch some of the keys on the keyboard. They won’t figure that out until the holidays.

5) Take bites out of his lunch- One bite out of everything. Sip from his soda. Ah, too easy. Take the whole lunch and throw it out. Not just today. Every couple days. For fun. For spite. Just because there is such a thing as Bosses Day.

Got any other ideas? Let’s hear them.

This is part two in a ten part series helping reduce the rage in your workday. To read more about the series, click here. Click here to subscribe and don’t miss a post.

Survivor is the king of reality television. It was one of the first on television, it’s been on for years, and it is still a ratings winner? But why?

It’s not the locations, or the challenges, or even the host. It’s the human element. Complete strangers stuck on a island with nothing but their smarts. Those smarts are tested the most in the form of alliances. A strong alliance can take a contestant straight to the money. Pick the wrong partner and they are gone quicker than an unclaimed bowl of cooked rice.

Alliances are just as important at work.

There are people in the office who can take you to the top and a few that could get you fired on the spot. The right alliance can make your work life much easier just thanks to the minor fact you are friends.

Here are some important steps to ensure you aren’t voted off the island (that means fired):

Read the rest of this entry »

Sometimes you just get knocked out of your seat by news that is so, sooo shocking. Did you know doctors are paid well? Fascinating. Wait, wait…the other top paying jobs involve managing money? I.AM.IN.SHOCK.

Yawnnnnnnnn

Top-paying jobs (CNN Money)

Imagine graduating from Ohio State University and landing a year long gig captaining the Wienermobile. My parents would punch me in the sweet summer sausage for taking the job. Apparently it was pretty highly coveted.

Other people apparently craved the position, too: More than 1,500 college seniors applied last year for 12 spots — a la “hot-dog Harvard,” she quipped.

It’s probably not a bad gig. Driving across the US in a giant hot dog. Wonder how much it pays?

Neither a company spokeswoman nor Moller would say how much the job pays — only that the salary compares to that of other entry-level postgraduate jobs.

Very funny. There are no jobs for grads available in this economy. Looks like this is taking her straight to the Nathan’s in the mall. Bet they are scouting her.

Oscar-hire winner (Columbus Dispatch)

Welcome to Humanless Resources. We aren’t so concerned about fixing your problem more as we just want you to stop complaining.

Dear Rager,

My manager has a problem with his eyes. They roam all over my body whenever we talk. What should I do?

Signed JD,

Dear, JD

I’m sorry, I wasn’t paying attention, I was checking out your rack. I think you asked about a manager that checks you out all day. Start interacting with him more over email and phone. Only get in front of his eyes if absolutely necessary. If it really gets uncomfortable, call him out on it. Most guys do it because they think you don’t notice. Most guys are morons. If you call him out he won’t want to get Human Resources involved. Unless they too have an awesome rack.

Dear Minimum Rage,

I go to the bathroom at least ten times a day. I can’t help it. It’s a combination of a small bladder and too much Diet Snapple. I feel like everyone notices and laughes about it. What should I do?

Signed, A pee grows in Brooklyn

Dear Pee,

Bathroom habits are no ones business. It’s just neurotic if you to think that people are watching your restroom habits and clocking your time in the toilet. If they are, who is more pathetic, the person going constantly or the person who cares enough to take notice? If it really means that much, start peeing at your desk. Outside your pants this time.

Dear Rage,

Just curious if anyone knows what the minimum distance between employees is in an office environment. My left ear is less than three feet from my coworkers mouse so I can hear every single click of the mouse and every key tap on the keyboard.

Can I ask to be moved?

Signed, Gail

Dear Gail,

Stop napping under her desk and this won’t be an issue. You can ask to change seats but that’s going to put you in an odd situation with this person for the rest of your time as coworkers. Plus, is there a coworker that doesn’t use a mouse? Besides No Limb Manny in IT.

Get over it or get ear plugs.

Dear Rage,

Love the website. No bullshit. Got a question. My last day working at my office is tomorrow. I hate it here. Can you help me write a final “f you” email to everyone?

Signed, Tom in Duluth

Dear Tom,

Ehhhh, not a good idea. I mean I’d love to tell you to not only burn bridges but to blow up the two towns the bridge connects but you never know when or how something may come back to haunt you. Just leave peacefully. If you’ve got to push the envelope, maybe just wear this shirt.

You’re welcome.

Got a question for Humanless Resources? Send it here.